The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But....

Lately I’ve been looking at my CV and updating it with an eye to look for some teaching work when I finish my Spanish course in a couple of weeks. Only problem is that it seems so mediocre in places. For example, ‘Studied Social Work at Plymouth University’ isn’t very interesting, is it? ‘Left Priory High School with 4 CSEs’ is even worse. ‘In my spare time I like to spend time with my baby daughter or read’ is almost enough to send the reader, and potential hirer, off to sleep.

The problem is that when writing a CV I don’t like to tell lies or exaggerate too much. I hope I’m not alone in this-I imagine loads of you, my noble family and friends, share the same ethics. Maybe it’s because we’re British, but we don’t like to fib about certain things.

Take products and services for example. We accept in the UK that if my company produces a product-let’s say it’s a food-then I can’t produce adverts that boast to it not containing any fat if in fact it contains fat. That’s misleading people, telling lies. If I own a shop and advertise that I offer a 24 hour service, but in fact open at 8 in the morning and close the doors and go down the pub at 8pm, that’s misleading as well. Can’t be done, in the way that I can’t tell lies in my CV.

Here in Argentina I’m learning that providers of products and services aren’t under the same restraints as us. I’ve recently noticed some classics, which I’m baptising ‘Argentinaisms’, because they have to be seen to be believed. Here are two great examples.

The first one is an example of food packaging. Today Daniela wanted some bread rolls without salt-she’s under doctor’s orders to keep down her salt intake. She noticed some felipito de salvados ‘sin sal’, meaning without salt. The label says this is big, clear letters. When we arrived home we read the full description of the ingredients in small print…’agua, azucar, levadura, sal’, namely ‘water, suger, yeast, salt’. Now how can a product be advertised as being without salt but contain salt??!!

OK, so this is a small label which can easily be missed. Maybe you’re saying that it’s not such a big deal, however perhaps it is a big deal for a person who’s been ordered to not eat salt. But some Argentinaisms are so ridiculous that they’d make you laugh if you weren’t going crazy trying to live with them.

Take the example of our private medical insurance provider, Swiss Medical. They have a medical centre near our house, which unfortunately we’ve spent a lot of time in recently. In their guidebook they describe their services and speak in growing terms about this centre ‘el centro de Atencion de Urgencia mas moderno del pais’, ‘the most modern accident and emergency centre in the country’. Wow, that’s quite a boast, but very reassuring for us, don’t you think? What’s more, it gets better and better. ‘Atiende 24 horas del dia, la mas amplia gama de especialidades medicas en sus consultorios externos, con la tecnologia y los profesionales mas idoneas’, ‘Available 24 hours a day, the widest range of medical specialisms........with the most up-to-date technology and professionals’.

We slept easier at night having read that one. Until we next needed an emergency service at night, that is. Then I turned to page 14 of my private Swiss Medical Insurance Handbook. Here unfortunately a gigantic Argentinaism was lurking, waiting for me. ‘Emergencias y Atencion no Programada’ was the title, ‘Emergency and unplanned attention’. Underneath the detail of the hours of the service, ‘Atencion 24 horas Lunes a viernes de 8 a 20 hs’, ’24 hour service from 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday’.

What? How can a service operating 12 hours a day for 5 days a week be advertised as a 24 hour service? We’re talking about an accident and emergency service here, after all! Absolutely incredible. Let’s hope we don’t need accident and emergency services after 8pm or at weekends.

So maybe now you can see that in Argentina the truth doesn’t matter when it comes to describing products or services. Now where was I? Oh yes, rewriting my CV. Now let’s see….an Argentinaism here, an Argentinaism there…after all, when in Rome and all that….and hey presto, my CV’s finished! Much better now…Rick Rogers….Honours Degree in Education at Cambridge University….Five times voted European Teacher of the Year….President of MENSA……fluent in 26 languages.

Yes, I knew I had something to learn from the locals!